Dr. David Gersten MD
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Intimacy and Physical Healing

What is total health? When I evaluate a new patient, I want to know the main symptoms, illnesses, diagnoses, lab work, along with unresolved childhood trauma, ongoing stress, diet, exercise, beliefs and close romantic relationships. This is close to how the family doctor of the 1800's took a history. From that large body of information we can begin to assess total health.

Most people who come to my office want to dive into the medical side of their life, and certainly most people with a medical problem will undergo my "standard lab work," which includes plasma amino acid testing, comprehensive digestive stool analysis, food antibodies, and glutathione. If someone appears to have chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia or related illness, I will include viral testing as part of the initial workup. We can go even deeper, checking for heavy metal poisoning, cellular energy blockades, vitamin and mineral testing, and complete oxidative stress panels.

Because the mind-body connection is an inseparable unit, I rely on meditation and mental imagery to access the power of the mind in the healing of the body. In the process of becoming whole, you can become free of illness.

Everyone knows the role that stress plays in their life, and can often quickly state the stresses that are impacting their health, such as work or finances. Marital conflict tends to be kept secret initially. Occasionally, people will open up right away and say that their marriage and sex life are in trouble . . . and they know that issues of intimacy are impacting their overall well-being and physical health.

In this age of omnipresent Paxil and Zoloft, the incidence of sexual dysfunction in society is epidemic, since these are frequent side effects of SSRI anti-depressants. For some people, the lack of libido due to the medication provides an area of emotional safety. We don't need to deal with their issues of intimacy because they are taking a drug they "must have" which happens to be impairing their sex lives. Others are caught in a terrible bind, feeling that the Paxil is helping them function better and feel less depressed . . . but they realize that Paxil may also be interfering with their sex life.

In my practice, anything that interferes with total health and recovery from illness will be brought out into the light. Because I practice psychiatry and nutritional medicine, I can recommend couples' therapy as easily and as comfortably as I can recommend the amino acid tyrosine or the herb turmeric.

Most people believe that if you begin to take a look at their marriage, it will require months of therapy. Such is not the case.

MAKING THE FIRST HEALING MOVE

Getting to really know each other (again) is like jumping in the ocean. It's cold for just a few seconds. Now here are some simple steps to heal a relationship, and thereby remove a major obstacle to physical healing.

Step 1: Realize that things are probably not nearly as bad as you think. It is the years of poor communication that can make people feel worlds apart.

Step 2: Speak the truth and practice powerful right action. Let's say you've been the wimp of the relationship. You never stand up for yourself. If you want to change the entire relationship, change yourself. Do what you know is right. You will immediately become a stronger and more peaceful person, and your partner will be forced to change. Once you change, the status quo is over.

By helping a couple realize and practice these first two steps, the stress in their relationship decreases, and their physical health improves. Why? Because illness occurs as part of a very large series of systems: biochemical systems, organ systems, total body health (body, mind, and spirit) and family systems. Change any of these systems and you change ALL of them. That's why I don't want to miss this information when treating a patient.

Step 3: Begin to communicate with your partner. There are too many volumes written about this for us to take time here to go into detail. If you and your partner have not been talking, or have been talking but leaving out the emotion, simply begin to shift the flow of communication. If you share one item that you have wanted to communicate for years but have been afraid to, that one little shared item will begin a positive cascade. If you have chronic illness and your partner has been taking care of you, allow him or her the space to open up about his or her frustration, anger, or guilt about being the caretaker.

Step 4: Avoid blame at all costs. It's not your partner's fault that you are angry or in pain. Those emotions are your response. Instead of saying, "You make me miserable. This whole mess is your fault," banish blame from your vocabulary. Instead, say, "When you say or do (x, y, z) I feel hurt and angry. I wish you wouldn't call me stupid." Demand that you and your partner remove blame from your communication. This alone will begin the healing process.

But I am looking for something more, namely a single unspoken issue that will liberate the relationship when we find and express that issue. Here are two examples of seemingly obvious issues which, when identified, quickly healed the relationship:

She: You don't love me enough to even keep the kitchen counters clean.

He: My vision really is as bad as I say. I don't see the dirt that you do.

Solution: Together they examine the kitchen counter. Nonjudgmentally she points out the spots and dirt he has been missing. He finally sees what she sees, cleans the counters, and they are both happy campers.

She: I'm sick of working 60 hours a week and then you expect me to cook. It's time for you to cook.

He: The truth is I don't have a clue about cooking.

Solution: In this true case, I taught him how to select, prepare and cook sea bass.

Result: The marriage was deeply and permanently healed.

You must resolve marital or relationship conflicts if you are to be fully healed physically. The "medical recommendation" to "heal the marriage" may be as swift and strategic as a recommendation for colloidal silver for a bacterial infection.

With this approach, all parts of the system will improve . . . from vitamin and amino acid deficiencies, to organ (heart, lung) problems . . . to relationship issues. You can seize the opportunity for deeper and more permanent healing.

by David Gersten, M.D.

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Aminoacidpower.com from Dr. David Gersten MD, formerly known as Dr. Dennis Gersten.

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